Asheley LeFors, right, is launching Raven’s Mom in memory of her child, Raven, left.

A Minot mother impacted by suicide is organizing a support group to help other families with LGBTQ+ youth avoid or cope with similar tragedies.

“The idea is to have a place that parents can go and ask their questions and not feel judged, or like they’re less than because they don’t know these things. It’s a safe place,” said Asheley LeFors.

Although geared to parents, the support group, Raven’s Mom, will be for anyone who wants to be a better ally for a family member or someone they are close to who identifies as LGBTQ+.

“That’s the point of Raven’s Mom is to create better allies so we can create a generation of LGBTQ youth who feel supported and who feel accepted,” LeFors said.

LeFors’ goal is to launch Raven’s Mom this summer.

After the death of her teenage child, Raven, last September, LeFors discovered there are a number of North Dakota parents also grieving the loss of a transgender child to suicide in the past two years.

“So part of Raven’s Mom is also a bereavement group,” she said. “We will specialize in parents who have lost their LGBTQ child to suicide.”

LeFors and Brandy Childress, licensed professional clinical counselor at Therapeutic Interventions in Minot, will be trained and certified in suicide prevention to lead the support group.

Raven’s Mom will be using various methods to reach families, such as podcasts, Facebook groups, Zoom meetings and in-person meetings.

LeFors said that while there are support groups for LGBTQ+ individuals, resources for parents and families are only beginning to become available. A goal for Raven’s Mom is to make available support kits for families just getting started on this journey. Included in the support kit is a “family together box” with games and activities to aid in getting to know each other better.

Childress said families experience a variety of struggles when their loved ones are going through their processes of discovery or coming out. Not being able to ask questions without being ridiculed or judged, being told they failed as a parent and the discomfort in coming into acceptance are all challenging, she said.

Childress added that parents may feel helpless, leading to despair and fear that interfere with the relationship with their LGBTQ+ family member. When the family member feels a relationship has been impacted, the person may retreat into dishonesty for protection, leading to additional parental restrictions that can contribute to suicidal behaviors, she said.

Although no two individuals are the same in their suicidal feelings, commonly they don’t know how to connect and ask for help, and often they feel shamed or disowned by family and friends as well as being targeted by people socially, Childress said. Legislative debates over how they should identify add to the stress, she said.

“They feel a consistent ongoing internal battle with being unable to align with their birth gender. Additionally, there are acts of violence created against those who choose sexual preferences outside of heterosexual,” she said.

Her advice is to be open, listen without judgment and offer acceptance and a positive environment.

“Parents typically struggle with communication when making comments like ‘you don’t have to tell anyone;’ It seems innocent and supportive but is heard by LGBTQ+ individuals as they are ashamed,” she said. “This ultimately leads to dysfunctional actions, behaviors and communication and most often the severity increases to becoming suicidal.”

LeFors said suicide could become less of an issue among LGBTQ+ youth if they have support from families who are themselves supported and also equipped to provide support.

A 2021 survey of North Dakota high school and middle school students revealed the scope of concern related to wellness and suicide among LGBTQ+ youth.

The survey found 53.2% of high school students who identified as transgender and 50.4% of students who identified as lesbian, gay or bisexual had seriously contemplated suicide in the past year, compared to 16.2% of other youth. The study found 30.4% of transgender youth had attempted suicide, as had 23.4% of LGB youth, compared to 6.1% of other youth.

At the middle school level, 74.7% of transgender youth and 65% of LGB youth had ever considered suicide, while 46.3% of transgender youth and 29.3% of LGB youth had attempted it. For other students, 22.1% seriously considered and 7.5% attempted suicide.

The study also found transgender high school students significantly more likely to have been kicked out of their homes or have resided outside their homes. Survey results found LGBT youth less likely to feel they could talk to their parents about their emotions. They also were significantly more likely to face sexual violence and bullying, with only 37.3% of transgender youth and 63.9% of LGB youth reporting they feel safe at school.

There are many questions parents can have about navigating the school system that Raven’s Mom hopes to address, LeFors said. Parents want to help teachers rather than add to their workload, but they also want their children to feel validated and respected, so knowing how to work together with teachers is critical, she said.

LeFors added she is grateful to North Dakota Gov. Doug Burgum and the North Dakota House for killing legislation that would have limited a teacher’s ability to use a transgender student’s preferred pronoun.

“This veto moves North Dakota one step forward into being a better ally to our LGBTQ+ community. This is a huge step in telling our trans community that they are respected, valued and will be treated with dignity in North Dakota,” she said.

Also damaging, LeFors said, is House Bill 1254, which prohibits gender-related health care practices and has passed the Legislature.

“It would limit families and doctors from making those personal decisions together,” she said. “A simple bill like House Bill 1254 that limits health care to transgender individuals increases suicides and attempts.”